- the basic psychological conflict between wanting to live and having the self-awareness to know that death is inevitable. (Wikipedia,a perfectly ok source for this blog)
I got to know about this terror management theory in social psychology, thinking that it would only be a concern when I am much older. Well, I guess very few young people think about death? Since it is often associated with old age and for us, it seems like there is still so many things to hope for, so many things not yet experienced, so many things undone.
I often whine that I am old but don't realize that as I grow up, my parents are aging. I probably did, when mama plays Candy Crush with slower moves and analytic speed or when dad stands with difficulty supporting his heavy weight. But, its fleeting. But this time round, I got a wake up call. Coupled with all the saddening news around me (I don't even dare to count), mum had an unexpected sprain along with a very serious gastric relapse. I finally experience terror management issues, but in my capacity as a daughter. The fact the sprain and gastric happened right after my final undergraduate exam makes it even more heartbreaking as mama jokingly commented that its time she rest after fussing about me for 23 years. All of a sudden, celebratory plans with family became an assumption of full homemaker responsibilities. Plans with friends were also postponed and I am really thankful for them being such understanding lovelies.
The past few days of homemaking made me reflect a lot. I guess there will be more of such reflections and realizations when we become mums and dads ourselves. I just had a sneak peek earlier. I always thought I am helping my mum already when I normally help with sweeping, mopping and doing the laundry but no, mum's work is definitely more than this. I feel utterly ashamed to think that a homemaking is easy and nothing much. See some significant and tangible changes from being a mugging kid to a temporary homemaker.
Mugging kid ---> Temporary homemaker
1. Waking up at stipulated time and continue to snooze --> Waking up at stipulated time, continue to snooze and later feel bad because mum, who is sick, wakes up earlier AUTOMATICALLY than me and did some simple chores that her aching back allows.
2. Enjoy the fruit juice that mama freshly squeezed and sometimes sent to my room cuz i am still snoozing --> Decide the fruits to be in and the amount (I suck at this), make sure everything essential is in (I keep missing out the ginger and 枸杞子), washing everything in sea salt and after squeezing, clean up the heavy blender
3. Revision/Meal times --> Start fretting about when and what to cook for lunch/dinner, regretted not paying attention when cooking with mum last time (I always ended up doing my favorite task, i.e. doing the dishes), whip up something with the type of food we have at home, make mental note of what needs to be replenish, A LOT OF MULTITASKING and AGARATION OF AMOUNT (I seriously suck at this). By the way, beyond seasoning and controlling the fire, even cutting food is an art because there are actually different way of cutting and even cutting a simple meat differently can result in different 口感
4. Free time (yay facebooking, candy crush, gossip on whatsapp and what not) --> Hmm, should I make tea? Will the rest be hungry later? Steam bun or sweet potato? I didn't think of all these by the way, I am guilty of crushing candies. Mum has to remind me that.
5. More revision or help out with housework --> Housework (Sweep, mop, wipe and laundry). They aren't brainless work as it is when I am just 'helping out' last time, cuz while u may be sweeping, but in your mind, you are thinking about the pot of sweet potato soup cooking, reminding yourself the laundry might be done soon, whether its time to wash the fan or the bed sheets, and yes, what to cook for dinner tonight, who's back for dinner, blah blah blah.
6. Get taken care of (supplements and 'medicine' if sick prepared, meals prepared) --> Take care of others (constantly ask mum how's her gastric, help her massage, prepare ginger bath, help her bathe, cater meals to her needs, decide which medicine is good for her). I have lousy strength, I cannot even lift mama properly or give her a good massage when those she gave me were those shiok ones. I fail at prevention strategies because mum has to remind me to take note of lilin's hmm hmm status also, notice any chances in our daily health status and we need to take precautions!
7. TV time! --> watch TV but mind in the kitchen, mum still has to nag us to bathe.
I am not even a full time homemaker given that Mum still has to give me constant reminders as I am always forgetting things and I practically ask her every other minute what to do next. Come to think of it, Mum may have the gastric issues because she was too caught up taking care of us. She came to this foreign country with almost zero knowledge of English some twenty years back and took care of us single-handedly when dad was like forever overseas. Can you imagine the stress she faced having to navigate this foreign land, enrolling us in schools (she didn't even know I have to be in nursery so i skipped that) and dealing with all the angmoh letters or consent forms. Exams were stressful for me and that was worrying her as well as I crept to sleep beside her during exams (which is why post-exams should be celebrated more with family, cuz other than friends who went into combat mode WITH you, your family went into combat mode FOR you). Anyway, imagine the stress multiplied by three as she worries for different things for each of us. Everything was new but she braved through it. We might not have a very well to do or enjoyable childhood but she has undeniably given us all that she could. Having said that, if anyone thinks that your mum is obiang or unreasonable, its because she spend bulk of the time on these seemingly mundane stuff so that you have more time out for fun and be in while she sacrifices her chances. The superwoman in my heart finally couldn't hide her vulnerabilities on Sunday when she lost her mobility. We had to half carry her to the doctor, bathe her and thereafter took over her responsibilities. Though she has regained her mobility now, her gastric continues to haunt her with all the discomfort every now and then and the vomiting. I have this freaking scary feeling I cannot describe and wouldn't want to anyway but yes, its the terror management thing. All I could do now is to be a even better girl and pray that she recovers soon and lives a ripe old age.
Its time she enjoys life.
The past few days of homemaking made me reflect a lot. I guess there will be more of such reflections and realizations when we become mums and dads ourselves. I just had a sneak peek earlier. I always thought I am helping my mum already when I normally help with sweeping, mopping and doing the laundry but no, mum's work is definitely more than this. I feel utterly ashamed to think that a homemaking is easy and nothing much. See some significant and tangible changes from being a mugging kid to a temporary homemaker.
Mugging kid ---> Temporary homemaker
1. Waking up at stipulated time and continue to snooze --> Waking up at stipulated time, continue to snooze and later feel bad because mum, who is sick, wakes up earlier AUTOMATICALLY than me and did some simple chores that her aching back allows.
2. Enjoy the fruit juice that mama freshly squeezed and sometimes sent to my room cuz i am still snoozing --> Decide the fruits to be in and the amount (I suck at this), make sure everything essential is in (I keep missing out the ginger and 枸杞子), washing everything in sea salt and after squeezing, clean up the heavy blender
3. Revision/Meal times --> Start fretting about when and what to cook for lunch/dinner, regretted not paying attention when cooking with mum last time (I always ended up doing my favorite task, i.e. doing the dishes), whip up something with the type of food we have at home, make mental note of what needs to be replenish, A LOT OF MULTITASKING and AGARATION OF AMOUNT (I seriously suck at this). By the way, beyond seasoning and controlling the fire, even cutting food is an art because there are actually different way of cutting and even cutting a simple meat differently can result in different 口感
4. Free time (yay facebooking, candy crush, gossip on whatsapp and what not) --> Hmm, should I make tea? Will the rest be hungry later? Steam bun or sweet potato? I didn't think of all these by the way, I am guilty of crushing candies. Mum has to remind me that.
5. More revision or help out with housework --> Housework (Sweep, mop, wipe and laundry). They aren't brainless work as it is when I am just 'helping out' last time, cuz while u may be sweeping, but in your mind, you are thinking about the pot of sweet potato soup cooking, reminding yourself the laundry might be done soon, whether its time to wash the fan or the bed sheets, and yes, what to cook for dinner tonight, who's back for dinner, blah blah blah.
6. Get taken care of (supplements and 'medicine' if sick prepared, meals prepared) --> Take care of others (constantly ask mum how's her gastric, help her massage, prepare ginger bath, help her bathe, cater meals to her needs, decide which medicine is good for her). I have lousy strength, I cannot even lift mama properly or give her a good massage when those she gave me were those shiok ones. I fail at prevention strategies because mum has to remind me to take note of lilin's hmm hmm status also, notice any chances in our daily health status and we need to take precautions!
7. TV time! --> watch TV but mind in the kitchen, mum still has to nag us to bathe.
I am not even a full time homemaker given that Mum still has to give me constant reminders as I am always forgetting things and I practically ask her every other minute what to do next. Come to think of it, Mum may have the gastric issues because she was too caught up taking care of us. She came to this foreign country with almost zero knowledge of English some twenty years back and took care of us single-handedly when dad was like forever overseas. Can you imagine the stress she faced having to navigate this foreign land, enrolling us in schools (she didn't even know I have to be in nursery so i skipped that) and dealing with all the angmoh letters or consent forms. Exams were stressful for me and that was worrying her as well as I crept to sleep beside her during exams (which is why post-exams should be celebrated more with family, cuz other than friends who went into combat mode WITH you, your family went into combat mode FOR you). Anyway, imagine the stress multiplied by three as she worries for different things for each of us. Everything was new but she braved through it. We might not have a very well to do or enjoyable childhood but she has undeniably given us all that she could. Having said that, if anyone thinks that your mum is obiang or unreasonable, its because she spend bulk of the time on these seemingly mundane stuff so that you have more time out for fun and be in while she sacrifices her chances. The superwoman in my heart finally couldn't hide her vulnerabilities on Sunday when she lost her mobility. We had to half carry her to the doctor, bathe her and thereafter took over her responsibilities. Though she has regained her mobility now, her gastric continues to haunt her with all the discomfort every now and then and the vomiting. I have this freaking scary feeling I cannot describe and wouldn't want to anyway but yes, its the terror management thing. All I could do now is to be a even better girl and pray that she recovers soon and lives a ripe old age.
Its time she enjoys life.
