farewell 2012, HELLO 2013!! :D

this sudden urge to blog, only to realise my last post is apr?! 2012, so unbelievably fast. This time last year, I was busy with my last minute prep for Canada, this time this year, this new year eve, I am sick and stuck at home -.-. No longer young to survive the consecutive days of outings, but nonetheless, I am looking forward to a new 2013!! :DD

Dear 2012, I would say u are definitely more 惊心动魄 than my 21st heehee, for the so many first times :)

my first time really putting my words into actions, stepping real out of my comfort zone into the other side of the globe. 22 year old, 22 amazing experience

1. survived long flights, n for a kuku me, a record 6 flights!!

2. survived a crazily cold subzero winter. ok, laotian is nice to us with an abnormally warm winter but still brr

3. first 'professional' snowman!!

4. first backpacking 

5. first natural ice-skating 

6. first road trip yay!!

7. first ski, despite all the malu-ness

8. lots of travelling in Canada n USA, crazy but fun  <3 div="div">

9. visiting all the places of wonders 

10. survived an angmo academic sch term 

11. Cirque du Soleil show at hollywood!!

12. what happens in LV, stays at LV but LOL don't think YY hahaha :P

13. Wwoofing - not bathing for days, cleaning chicken coops, playing with all the animals, all the saikangs, all the sharing and learning, all the fun and memories 

14. first time holding a real gun!!

15. first time entering a casino, both in LV and genting 

16. drinking, both wine, non-wine, the getting drunk and not drunk haha

17. crazy number of movies

18. lovely gatherings with cliques <3 div="div">

19. attempt at being an 'entrepreneur' lols

20. fun at flea market

21. jie's wedding!! first bridesmaid experience

22. knowing a lot more about myself :)

These might seem trivial to many but still, they are precious memories to me, signifying baby steps I take having a more fulfilling life. Of all, item 22 is i guess my greatest takeaway from 2012. Despite all the wondrous things I have experienced, 2012 has its giant share of downs for me too. but i am glad things ended off quite well i would say, and hopefully stay that way, i leave 2012 with a better understanding of myself, especially those flaws of mine. So, to a better 2013! 

I seldom set resolutions because I  am a roti prata and a superb procrastinator (looking at how i still haven't talked about this skiing post i promise for so long lol), but this year I am going to set just this one resolution that I am not going to leave it here heh. Giving myself 1.5 years to attain it, ok maybe 2, it will be crazy if i ever attain it before i marry lols. Might achieve it at the expense of my grad trip but lol, i have a NIE grad trip lah hor. Shall visit this very post when I graduate from NIE and we shall see how 'good' i am at procrastination! The new year shall be another year of exploration as I continue to find out what is my real passion. Cant wait for the brand new 2013, it can only be better!! :DD Happy New Year everyone!! :)

jaw v suan but i like

the faces that i haben seen for sooooooooo long

the much needed style of laughters i miss

happy max max

quoting gor

bliss

life is tough when we are away without our close close ones

for a moment, i recall how we always update each other

about random happenings

about milo truck

about everything under the big blue sky

miss the feeling

but thanks guanyinma theres still social media

its still the big blue sky

for now i need to nurse my jaws

too long nv exercise it already apparently

lalala :)

dotca

hello blog. looks like i am not keeping up with my blogging resolution again oops. alright, skiing outstanding, i know.

just wanna drop by to say that its getting harder and harder (reminds me of the sociolinguistic project's boston pronunication ha-dar and ha-der) to concentrate on my work. gah, the SEP mood is finally setting in.

shit, my main intention of blogging is to say that, interestingly, the blogs accessed here end off with '.ca'! it might be some usual kind of stuff but i was amazed lol. bei-inthepocket.ca keke. so are other blogs ;)

random rants, i had my flintstone day again, apparently flintstoneness can travel too. but all went well in the end.

maybe due to some magical power ;)

IMO

After hunting for my kinder surprise egg, i forgot what i wanted to blogged about lol. Let me refresh my memory. For a filler, my ice fishing trip is cancelled =( because the ice is too thin. And oh wait, my friend just replied to say it might be possible at the other side of the lake! whee!

Ah, recalled what i wanted to blog about already. Nothing much to do with CAPONHOL but just some random thoughts that have accumulated today. Gah, how should i put it in words. In short, i just felt that i process matters in a really childish manner. Take Kony for example, just a video and i got duped my tears and into believing every single sentence of it, without any IMOs. It wasn't until people started posting other critics and stuff before I realised, hey wait, why did i so easily believe the video in the first place? I know some kind of social psych stuff is going on here but i am determined to snap out of this! I think i mentioned before I really admired people who have a view of themselves, always being able to analyse situations and provide their take on the issue. Unfortunately, somehow, i wasn't brought up to become like this. haiz, what an obedient girl. the perfect citizen our gahman would love. Some other stuff happened today too which led me to think this way but I cannot remember the details, just the general feel~ hmm, something from wong fu productions but i seriously cannot recall. Anyway, i really hope to have more opionions haha, critical mind to be exact, though people feel that being qing cai makes life easier. Glad that i have a bunch of smarties friends beside me who always have their thinking cap on ;). Alright, new resolution, to be more critical before i become Ms Low. If not, students attending my class will be like kids going to playground. NO WAY!

On a side note, why isn't my English improving. My post feels like an ahlian post.

the power of mind.

Since I am on it, i might as well continue. Cuz i know this enthusiasm in blogging will not last haha.

Next up, about memorable people i met so far in Canada! Not like i am very kaki kaki with them but they are really interesting people we see here :).

Auntie Nemo. That day that I wanted to blog about her, I drank a cup of the special juice she made. That was the very first day she smiled and became unusually friendly to us. Auntie Nemo is a staff at Canada Room. Her attitude fluctuated a lot last time, across time, across people. And most of the time, we got the bad end of it. So every time I need a bag lunch, i secretly pray that its not her at the counter. But that day was interesting. She was really friendly, passing our card after she swiped it back to us personally and not put it down on the tabletop. Then, we saw her making juices in the pantry. It was a really nice green colour and she offered us a cup too! Damn refreshing!! And Auntie Nemo attitude became really lovely. After that day, she disappeared for a few days so we concluded that her happy mood was some kind of pre holiday symptoms. Well, now she is back. Her mood still fluctuates but at least we get some of the good end now teehee. MUST BE THE JUICE. As for why she is called Auntie Nemo, I will leave it to you to guess ;)

Speaking of Auntie Nemo, how can we leave out kind auntie! Kind auntie as her name suggests is forever smiling and kind!! I really find her very beautiful as a woman her age. Not that kind of attractive beauty but 慈祥 that kind of auntie. like a grandma like that :). But she seem easily bullied though. Everytime I need a bagged lunch, i hope to see her at the counter haha!

Mr Bean. He is a regular diner in Canada Room. His real identity is still a mystery up till now. But he eats a lot for his size and he has a really nice green shirt.

Snape. Another diner in Canada Room, who erm, looks like Snape.

Gangster. I forgot his name already. But somewhere along this line. Yet another diner in Canada Room. He is huge, he eats a lot too. But don't be fooled by his look, he might be a very nice guy from the way he said sorry when needed and how he brought his own tray on trayless day.

I am not sure if i constructed this memory but once, Bean, Snape and Gangster, who never sat with each other before actually gathered to eat together. haha I wonder if we can take a photo with them before we leave Canada. Memories of Canada Room totally.

Note I said Harry Potter and not Snape, because there is this guy that really looks like Hagrid in two of my psychology classes. He is unlike a typical student cuz he has a really special hairstyle, those twirl twirl dry dry kind which i supposed is really hard to maintain. Till now, i still cannot discern if its natural or not. He is always late and carefree, just like good old Hagrid! The kind of typical classmate that always awed me. Students who never print their notes but forever offering really good insights during class. I wish i could be like that next time but apparently i am always operating on a Pentium 1 mode in class LOL =(

Maildesk uncle. Probably the person that I have talked to the longest in English in Canada so far, minus all the chinese kaki i have. I think i mentioned him before in my post on popo. A really nice Sri Lankan who shifted to Canada few years back. Really enjoyed chit chatting with him cuz he is just like the good old wise person you would turn to for advice. Though he said feel free to go chit chat with him but aiya, its just weird to keep going back. Probably the next mail! :)

Social cognition class is on person impression and some attribution theories lately. today, we watched The Human Zoo. My prof said she downloaded the video illegally somemore, she is really cute haha. and the cat of hers. but ok, the point about The Human Zoo. Its by yes, Zimbardo of course and is about how people can be really swift in making their first impression of others and how this impressions, made within seconds, can affect how they judge a person. The main study is about having 12 participants who have never met before to stay in a place for a few days and see how their interactions turn out and the dynamics. and i must say, despite of two years of reading similar journals, i am still shocked by how our perceptions colour the world we see. Like there is no reality. A height difference of a few inches can lead people think that two similar guys have an annual pay difference of around 50, 000?! Back to the main study, there is this really interestig part when the camera slow mo-ed a girl's expression when she shook hands with another really handsome participants. Hahaha, fleeting seconds and it meant something ;) a pity we cannot finish the video before the class ends. Hopefully its available in the library! :)

So here we are, forming impressions of others. Similarly, i bet people are making impressions of us. And i really wonder what the content is like. maybe Bean sees us as a group of pesty kids who make a lot of noise he doesn't understand and chopes his table keke. Its amazing how we form impression of people in or lives though our paths might near but probably never intersect. People are linked together just like that :) through the unseen. through the power of mind.

i am back with my robarts adventure!

Hi pocket, as promised, i am back!

Alright, good for my Robarts adventure? So it started off with me needing a book for a project so i asked stephen (i BELIEVE thats his name) for directions to the stacks. In NUS, I've only heard of CLOSED stacks which I never need to use so far. I thought the book should be really exclusive and i was worried i couldn't get it out of the library. Apparently, turned out stacks here meant normal borrowing shelves and I think he was kinda shocked to see that I know nuts about stacks. alright malu max, so we'll move on.

Ok, normal borrowing shelves. So today i set out for the Robarts Library, wondering on the way where on earth these normal shelves are. I went Robarts N times already, though countable with my fingers, but I didn't recall seeing shelves of normal books. Only course reserves and reference so far. Maybe cuz I only ventured up to level 4. So i went all the way up to level 4 hoping to go higher only to realise there is no more escalators? Ended up we need to take the lifts to go to the stacks, and they are an incredible x number of levels for A-Z. mine's on level 11. okie, chionged to the lift and got called after by a lady near the lift. oh, need show T card. Up to level 11, i still saw no books, only people using computers. Realised that we need to get into the room through some normal doors into the stacks. Alright i went in and hunted for my books among the sea of books. Automatic lights when you go down the aisle wow. some sophisticated system to transport the books between levels and sections i think wow wow. When i got my book and wanted to head out, i realised i lost the exit to many many doors. peered through the windows of each door i saw and its all computers. OMG WHERE IS THE EXIT. i could feel myself panicking. started hunting for my phone to make sure that i was connected to the world. for a moment, i thought i was lost in some other dimension, that i was going to be stuck in the never ending maze and i thought of harry potter (ok, fantacise too much but you get the point). Eventually, i found the exit. the doorS were just all the doors i peered through. i forgot there were computers all over. those i saw through the windows just now weren't computer rooms o.o ok. so i headed out red faced and found myself another problem. where is the check out machine? hunted the entire level and i couldn't find it. But i decided to not ask people anymore, lest the next one i asked might just tell me 'oh don't you know? its checked out the moment u took it down the shelf' ><. Luckily, after reading all the signs, i found one that says check out is to be down on level 1. so yup, to level one and now, 'Renewing Unilever' is resting on my table. but there is still one thing thats baffling me. A woman with a baby pram went to the stacks lift and the lady at level one never asked her for her T card or something. So, i looked suspicious, huh. haha

anyway, exciting adventure at Robarts. Today, i rewrote my schema about borrowing books :) and i blogged about it. fresh from memory, yay! :D

imma slacker

This is really bad. I am forever putting off blogging for other stuff. The two times that I wanted to jot my experiences down were OBS and YEP. OBS, yes, I did it, detailing the stuff and takeaways (good job me). YEP, nah, it was half done on the diary I bought because memory and time taken to jot follows a negative correlation. As you can see, the trend continues. Now, SEP, … almost nothing. Sadly, I use this pocket to remind me when I become an old lady with dementia (since I don’t play that much mahjong) of what I have done and yes, most importantly organize my thoughts so I at least express myself coherently. If I had been less lazy and blogged consistently, there won’t be this mafan now that I don’t know what to start off when conversing with friends about what’s happening here lol. Ohman. Now I know why cher and sherdee have those little reflection session after trips. It really has its merits. Why do I have a goldfish memory. Why do I procrastinate so much. Argh.

Nuff said. So now I should start blogging more often! Strategy: Be more consistent now about current happenings and slowly recall the previous trips. Ok I try. And the fact I am doing it now is because my room network is taking longer and longer to start up lol. So effectively, I am blogging
on ms word while waiting for my internet connection. Situational forces lol. Alright a list of stuff in my brain. My Robarts adventure today (I will get it up today, hopefully). Erms, auntie nemo and the harry potter gang. Trips. What not. And I have this list that I did in my previous post I just recalled. The last I read back, I did not finishing posting about the topics on the list. And worse, some of the items I couldn’t even recall what happened LOL.

Random stuff today: The weather’s good and I can’t wait for spring. I am rushing to end this post. Because, the internet connection is back! Yay!! BRB pocket! :D

positive reinforcement

I am hooked on to my new playlist of 8 songs, so I shall use it as a positive reinforcement for blogging LOL! (The golden age playing now)


Hello blog, I know i am supposed to come talk to you whenever I have something to tell you but I am sorry, I have been accumulating my love letters to you in my brain again. (Raise your glass playing now).


Random stuff, I went Niagara Falls and the not so near Niagara-on-the-lake. It was so long ago I lost the kick to type it now though lol. Will do it some other day! But the experience is simply awesomeeee!! (sometimes when we touch playing now), and there is Hart House farm, and random exploring of Toronto :)


(sunshine, lolipops and rainbow playing now) I got my first mail in Toronto! Rather embarassing so lets not talk about it. But i really love my mama n meimei! had a little chat with the maildesk uncle, only to know he is from Sri Lanka and he visited Singapore a few times! Felt a sense of closeness talking to someone from Asia. I even told him my secret about popo after he told me how he lost his son after migrating to Canada. (A Thousand Years playing). Really wish to visit Sri Lanka one day. Its so beautiful the way he talked about his hometown :)


Auntie Nemo. We have a kind auntie (shall talk about her next time) and an Auntie Nemo (a name chosen after many not so good names for her) in Canada Room. She swiped your Tcard and leave it on the table but to some others, she handed personally to them. She murmured to herself and looked negatively to you. omg i think i should dedicate a post for her instead. will continue next time >< (That's how you know playing now)


Random again, should i go for northern lights tour!!!!


(deng ni de ji jie playing now). I seriously should blog more often. This post is just too disorganised! And the fact that my 8 songs are finishing soon, it meant i spent around 30 mins already >< I will work something out. Await proper posts soon!! :)


Cheers
peiyee
(not meant to sign off but it just came out, lol shall just leave it here)
the 8th song is na xie nian btw :)

because this is canada

i should be researching for my social cognition paper now

which unfortunately i have been pushing doing it for a few days alr

it must be the caponhol syndrome

or its just too cold

i cant think of a topic that i wanna do

how

because this is canada

people take off their layers n layers of clothes to donate

and run on the streets with only their undergarments

for charity

:)

because this is canada

students pon class to go on a rally for tuition fees reduction

and tutor subtlely encouraged us to go

for student rights

:)

the turnout was unexpected though

hmmmmm

hello canada!

draft before CNY2012. i am fine alr :)

its canada with a magic touch, the 'publish post' button has revived itself :) a belated post, so much things that i want to go on and on about this world 13hours behind but ya, i am LAZY and a SLACKER (hor gor, if u are reading this hahaha). was reading my past posts, only to realise so much things that i have forgotten! thanks this good old blog for refreshing my memory. Perhaps i should really blog more (must really find a way to blog instantaneously when i'm mind blogging)

alright, i totally have no idea where to start, so this gonna be a thought post again! whoohoo~! to be organised, i shall use naiyi's method haha

1. Old victorian buildings

i must say this is an added bonus. while i regretted not choosing europe after wow-ing all the europe-sep photos, U of T actually has lotsa them! so many i cannot differentiate some apart haha! HAPPY MAX

2. The cold, the snow

yesh, very cold and make my muscle ache a lil when i shiver too much but hehe, i actually love it. i might take back my words in Feb but still, its WINTER!! love all the snow n the fact we survived crazy temperature of -15, with bare 3 layers. PROUD MAX. now i am looking forward to making snow angels and a real lifesize snowman hoho!

3. Diversity

its so diverse here i don't look like a minority, unless i flaunt my Singlish teehee. maybe i should try pick up their angmoh accent, go back pk with yx!

4. Chalkboards

they use chalkboards at UofT! wheeeeee :)

5. Toilet issues

i cannot believe i am actually taking issues with this, but yea i am. they don't use doors for their bathing cubicles and their toilet doors are smaller than the frame(probably cuz of the four seasons, they won't want to be mending cracked oversized doors in summer for sure!). felt quite insecure at first but used to it already, its easier people inside to peep out than vice versa definitely! i realise i can be rather anal about my bathing stuff though i bathe at lightning speed. but the cubicles in the residence is realllly small and cold wind blows. found a solution thou, that is to run the hot water even when i am not using it (credits to goddess :))

6. not waking up to a warm snuggly room. its not the weather, its my room and its lao kok kok heater. how? snug in my warm 8bucks blanket (the blanket really works wonder thou, better than my down jacket i think haha) for a longer time.

7. no rice, or rather, no FRAGRANT rice. no veggie variety, no a lot of sg food ahaha

8. classmates that are too hiong. here no leng chang, seriously

9. too many assignments. i should count and jot it here, but i am lazy, its just a lot, a lot a lot more than NUS. ohman.

CNY 2012, a different one

i cannot control myself as i read jasly's post, maybe its time i pour it all out and here would be a good place, no clash with the CNY mood, no disturbing of anybody, no time difference, i could say anything i want without choking on my words. only me, and me.

CNY 2012, i got to know that i lost someone, one whom i didn't know i felt so close to after so long a separation until i found my tears welling up when dad told me she was joining them at a later time. their expressions were weird, i kept my tears, thankful that skype's resolution wasn't good. i wanted to ask but i didn't. she might be hospitalised, i thought to myself, and deep down i was scared to hear anything about it. and the last thing i wanted to happen is to have her leave me. She, whom I haven't met for 9 years. She, whom i expected to be hugging and chatting to this december when kahling jiejie gets married. i was afraid that history repeated itself again.

9 years ago, i was doing the balancing act primary school children like to do on a kerb-like thingy in between GRPS and the carpark. i stopped momentarily and checked my watch, 5.20pm if my memory didn't fail me. sometime later (could be a day or two i cannot remember), mum told us we need to pack, ahgong passed away at ipoh. The time? the exact moment i checked my watch as i balanced on the kerb happily. On the trip back, i didn't cry. it was the first death encounter i ever had. I knew i need to cry, like its on tv show. so i tried to cry but i couldn't. all through the trip, i was sad but no tears came up, what a strong girl. when i got into dad's car to go to ahgong house, my legs started to shake. it shook so violently i needed to press my hands onto my laps and moved a lot to hide it. i couldn't help it. finally, we reached. getting down the car would probably ease the shaking i thought. i got off the car and saw the funeral. its some distance away because there was no space for dad to park the car nearer. we were late so as a custom, mum could not just walk to the place but had to kneel in or something. i stood still at where i alighted, walk a bited and started to cry, so bitterly it overwhelmed me. dad walked back and cried as he hugged me. i never seen him cry so badly before. we walked in and popo came over, suddenly, everybody just held on to each other and cried. the weight on me was unbearable as they held on to each other but it only made me cry more. i lost my ahgong. the holiday we visited him before his death, he asked me to help him rotate the wall fan, but i didn't know how to. at dinner time, he asked me if i know his full name. but shamefully, i didn't know it when my younger cousin knew it. so i told myself that i will visit again next holiday as a granddaughter who can help ahgong with what he needs and remembers his full name. but it was all too late. the rides on his motorbike, seeing how he slaughtered the boars, playing with his chicks, being afraid of his big dogs, devouring the durians and mangosteen he planted and picked, ... ..., i took my ahgong for granted for 12 long years and it was too late when i wanted to become a granddaughter who at least know his full name. four months later, my maternal ahgong passed away. i didn't shed a single tear during his funeral. but much as i wanted to control it and let them hao zou, i realised it was a blow to me and i let it out during PE lessons one day, vividly remembering mr jumat asking them to leave me alone and yingxian comforting me.

Today, history repeated itself again. the last time i saw ahgong was during his funeral. the last time i saw my popo, was also during ahgong's funeral, sadly. 9 long years and i only spoken to her once on the phone when we become in contact with daddy again. i told her i will visit her one day again in maur and go exercise with her since she don't have any more exercise kakis now that she shifted out of ipoh. but now, i never got the chance to. my popo who made sure she woke up bright and early in the morning to buy lots of cucumbers and make my favourite pig kidneys with cucumbers in vinegar whenever we went back last time, my popo who can speak mandarin to us amidst all the canto, my popo with her distinct smile with mi mi yan, my popo who made sure we baibai to the dieties during CNY, my popo has now joined my ahgong. i no longer be able to see her this december. she left us. i haven't seen her in 9 years and i never would. she passed away 20+ days ago according to mama but i knew only now. she was admitted to the hospital on the day daddy sent me off to toronto but he never told me. he never told me when he texted, email or skyped me after. he felt unwell after that, but still he never told me. and there i was snapping photos of this world thirteen hours behind, playing with the snow while papa was probably sad to the max and yet have to worry about me.

i am kept in the dark, because they love me. mum decided to let me know the truth in the end. it was a painful one. till now, i still don't know the cause and time of her sudden death. i am not allowed to skype dad until i was able to curb my tears. but i really want to talk to him. i typed with trembling hands just now as i signed in skype. i was afraid to tell him i knew about it. i was afraid i would cry. he wasn't online thank goodness. i could email him, sms him, skype call him..but i realise i am afraid how i am going to face him. i need to find more things to busy myself with, enjoy my sep, so that i can snap out of this ASAP. mum is right, the reason why dad didn't want to tell me is because i am weak. so now, finding :) is what i really need to do now, so that mum and dad can stop worrying about me anymore.

mama told me i cannot cry, because if i do, popo won't bear to leave this world. i cannot cry, so that popo can reach ji le shi jie without any burden. i hope this history won't happen again. to my popo, be safe on your journey, to my family, please stay healthy and live a ripe old age.

南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛
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南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛
南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛
南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛
南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛