because this is canada

i should be researching for my social cognition paper now

which unfortunately i have been pushing doing it for a few days alr

it must be the caponhol syndrome

or its just too cold

i cant think of a topic that i wanna do

how

because this is canada

people take off their layers n layers of clothes to donate

and run on the streets with only their undergarments

for charity

:)

because this is canada

students pon class to go on a rally for tuition fees reduction

and tutor subtlely encouraged us to go

for student rights

:)

the turnout was unexpected though

hmmmmm

hello canada!

draft before CNY2012. i am fine alr :)

its canada with a magic touch, the 'publish post' button has revived itself :) a belated post, so much things that i want to go on and on about this world 13hours behind but ya, i am LAZY and a SLACKER (hor gor, if u are reading this hahaha). was reading my past posts, only to realise so much things that i have forgotten! thanks this good old blog for refreshing my memory. Perhaps i should really blog more (must really find a way to blog instantaneously when i'm mind blogging)

alright, i totally have no idea where to start, so this gonna be a thought post again! whoohoo~! to be organised, i shall use naiyi's method haha

1. Old victorian buildings

i must say this is an added bonus. while i regretted not choosing europe after wow-ing all the europe-sep photos, U of T actually has lotsa them! so many i cannot differentiate some apart haha! HAPPY MAX

2. The cold, the snow

yesh, very cold and make my muscle ache a lil when i shiver too much but hehe, i actually love it. i might take back my words in Feb but still, its WINTER!! love all the snow n the fact we survived crazy temperature of -15, with bare 3 layers. PROUD MAX. now i am looking forward to making snow angels and a real lifesize snowman hoho!

3. Diversity

its so diverse here i don't look like a minority, unless i flaunt my Singlish teehee. maybe i should try pick up their angmoh accent, go back pk with yx!

4. Chalkboards

they use chalkboards at UofT! wheeeeee :)

5. Toilet issues

i cannot believe i am actually taking issues with this, but yea i am. they don't use doors for their bathing cubicles and their toilet doors are smaller than the frame(probably cuz of the four seasons, they won't want to be mending cracked oversized doors in summer for sure!). felt quite insecure at first but used to it already, its easier people inside to peep out than vice versa definitely! i realise i can be rather anal about my bathing stuff though i bathe at lightning speed. but the cubicles in the residence is realllly small and cold wind blows. found a solution thou, that is to run the hot water even when i am not using it (credits to goddess :))

6. not waking up to a warm snuggly room. its not the weather, its my room and its lao kok kok heater. how? snug in my warm 8bucks blanket (the blanket really works wonder thou, better than my down jacket i think haha) for a longer time.

7. no rice, or rather, no FRAGRANT rice. no veggie variety, no a lot of sg food ahaha

8. classmates that are too hiong. here no leng chang, seriously

9. too many assignments. i should count and jot it here, but i am lazy, its just a lot, a lot a lot more than NUS. ohman.

CNY 2012, a different one

i cannot control myself as i read jasly's post, maybe its time i pour it all out and here would be a good place, no clash with the CNY mood, no disturbing of anybody, no time difference, i could say anything i want without choking on my words. only me, and me.

CNY 2012, i got to know that i lost someone, one whom i didn't know i felt so close to after so long a separation until i found my tears welling up when dad told me she was joining them at a later time. their expressions were weird, i kept my tears, thankful that skype's resolution wasn't good. i wanted to ask but i didn't. she might be hospitalised, i thought to myself, and deep down i was scared to hear anything about it. and the last thing i wanted to happen is to have her leave me. She, whom I haven't met for 9 years. She, whom i expected to be hugging and chatting to this december when kahling jiejie gets married. i was afraid that history repeated itself again.

9 years ago, i was doing the balancing act primary school children like to do on a kerb-like thingy in between GRPS and the carpark. i stopped momentarily and checked my watch, 5.20pm if my memory didn't fail me. sometime later (could be a day or two i cannot remember), mum told us we need to pack, ahgong passed away at ipoh. The time? the exact moment i checked my watch as i balanced on the kerb happily. On the trip back, i didn't cry. it was the first death encounter i ever had. I knew i need to cry, like its on tv show. so i tried to cry but i couldn't. all through the trip, i was sad but no tears came up, what a strong girl. when i got into dad's car to go to ahgong house, my legs started to shake. it shook so violently i needed to press my hands onto my laps and moved a lot to hide it. i couldn't help it. finally, we reached. getting down the car would probably ease the shaking i thought. i got off the car and saw the funeral. its some distance away because there was no space for dad to park the car nearer. we were late so as a custom, mum could not just walk to the place but had to kneel in or something. i stood still at where i alighted, walk a bited and started to cry, so bitterly it overwhelmed me. dad walked back and cried as he hugged me. i never seen him cry so badly before. we walked in and popo came over, suddenly, everybody just held on to each other and cried. the weight on me was unbearable as they held on to each other but it only made me cry more. i lost my ahgong. the holiday we visited him before his death, he asked me to help him rotate the wall fan, but i didn't know how to. at dinner time, he asked me if i know his full name. but shamefully, i didn't know it when my younger cousin knew it. so i told myself that i will visit again next holiday as a granddaughter who can help ahgong with what he needs and remembers his full name. but it was all too late. the rides on his motorbike, seeing how he slaughtered the boars, playing with his chicks, being afraid of his big dogs, devouring the durians and mangosteen he planted and picked, ... ..., i took my ahgong for granted for 12 long years and it was too late when i wanted to become a granddaughter who at least know his full name. four months later, my maternal ahgong passed away. i didn't shed a single tear during his funeral. but much as i wanted to control it and let them hao zou, i realised it was a blow to me and i let it out during PE lessons one day, vividly remembering mr jumat asking them to leave me alone and yingxian comforting me.

Today, history repeated itself again. the last time i saw ahgong was during his funeral. the last time i saw my popo, was also during ahgong's funeral, sadly. 9 long years and i only spoken to her once on the phone when we become in contact with daddy again. i told her i will visit her one day again in maur and go exercise with her since she don't have any more exercise kakis now that she shifted out of ipoh. but now, i never got the chance to. my popo who made sure she woke up bright and early in the morning to buy lots of cucumbers and make my favourite pig kidneys with cucumbers in vinegar whenever we went back last time, my popo who can speak mandarin to us amidst all the canto, my popo with her distinct smile with mi mi yan, my popo who made sure we baibai to the dieties during CNY, my popo has now joined my ahgong. i no longer be able to see her this december. she left us. i haven't seen her in 9 years and i never would. she passed away 20+ days ago according to mama but i knew only now. she was admitted to the hospital on the day daddy sent me off to toronto but he never told me. he never told me when he texted, email or skyped me after. he felt unwell after that, but still he never told me. and there i was snapping photos of this world thirteen hours behind, playing with the snow while papa was probably sad to the max and yet have to worry about me.

i am kept in the dark, because they love me. mum decided to let me know the truth in the end. it was a painful one. till now, i still don't know the cause and time of her sudden death. i am not allowed to skype dad until i was able to curb my tears. but i really want to talk to him. i typed with trembling hands just now as i signed in skype. i was afraid to tell him i knew about it. i was afraid i would cry. he wasn't online thank goodness. i could email him, sms him, skype call him..but i realise i am afraid how i am going to face him. i need to find more things to busy myself with, enjoy my sep, so that i can snap out of this ASAP. mum is right, the reason why dad didn't want to tell me is because i am weak. so now, finding :) is what i really need to do now, so that mum and dad can stop worrying about me anymore.

mama told me i cannot cry, because if i do, popo won't bear to leave this world. i cannot cry, so that popo can reach ji le shi jie without any burden. i hope this history won't happen again. to my popo, be safe on your journey, to my family, please stay healthy and live a ripe old age.

南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛 南无阿弥陀佛
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a secret blogpost

I HAVE ZERO IDEA WHATS GNG ON WITH MY BLOGGER

the publish post button is still not working on my lappy

but it would only mean that my draft is going to accumulate

meaning no one will see this post

(along with the other two posts somewhere in the draft folder)

i think i have matured quite a bit with the crazily busy sem

ohya, i am supposed to yell HURRAY! here whenever i am done with my exams

but apparently, no one might see this until one day, that button decides to revive itself agn

back to the mature part

i guess its because of the friends around me

that prompt me to think at a level like sherdee n yongkong

wanted to blog but the button isn't working

so they just fade away

owell

so this is a secret blogpost

i enjoy typing it as a secret blogpost

probably due to the book i am reading now

1Q84

creepily engaging

its occupying my brain now

with the two moons in their world

and the little people lurking somewhere

this has no link at all with this secret post

but then again

nothing is logical in the world 1Q84

crazily random and randomly crazy

admist this crazy period, i recalled i have a blog. omg i miss blogging so much :( too much happening though i always tell people my timetable slack, too much i need to update because i realise they are slipping away from my memory soon (omg, my attachment i haben talk about it yet!). emo clouds everywhere recently, hopefully they disperse soon. life is crazy, but little things keep you going. dajia jiayous lo! :)

if my blog is a person, he/she will be on the top of the list i need to say sorry to~ n blog, tell u a secret, i want the lastest milktoof set..make it two, 1 lardee, 1 ickle hehe

i love my random post. because it is not checked for mistakes, because it is random, because..i blogged :)

my dear Notee

Notee felt a little weird after I knocked it again while brushing today -.-. For a moment, I thought it is leaving me forever, but luckily it is still intact to remind me that I haven’t blogged about it. Notee (pronounced like ‘naughty’) is an adult tooth now attaching soul-lessly (but hopefully firmly) to my gum. Decided to name it after reading Lardee and ickle.

Have been wanting to blog about my teethache incident but now I couldn’t remember much of the details after the much information loaded attachment. In any case, my whole set of teeth was in this excruciating pain on a particular day after eating N bazhangs the day before, inhaling a gust of cold air on a lrt, which gave my sensitive teeth some torturous moments and yes, as usual, knocked my front teeth while brushing. The pain was unbearable, especially so when I was not biting, ironically. Thought it was the heat but TCM didn’t help. In the end, I went to the dentist, unwillingly, for fear that I might follow dad’s teethsteps. The dentist didn’t know what’s wrong with me either because I couldn’t pin point to her the source of pain. It was just...the whole set of teeth >.<. So she put some substance on each of most of my teeth to check. Was supposed to feel pain if the tooth is normal. In the end, I couldn’t feel anything for Notee, or rather the pain was very much delayed. X-ray then revealed that the tooth nerve for Notee is dying due to some not-so-well-done filling I had a few years back. The dentist explained that sometimes the sensation for one tooth can be felt for the entire set of teeth. I bet this has something to do with the brain sensory areas learnt in bio psych but I cannot remember the term >.<

Anyway, the solution is…root canal therapy. Basically, it is the digging out of the dying nerve, cleaning it and filling it up, all in two stages. Had 2 injections of anesthetics for each stage and it really didn’t hurt (very much to my surprise after the horrible experience I had when I was 7)! Tried without anesthetic initially for my second stage cuz my tooth nerve is already removed but the pressure exerted by my tooth clamp is way too high for me to bear so I surrendered. Made me realized how strong our teeth could be!

Well, so now I have a soulless Notee residing in my mouth. So sad that I am always having issues with my teeth but dad says it couldn’t be helped much because I inherited it, uh-oh. Mum realized after watching news that she shouldn’t have fed me abnormally lots of milo using milk bottle last time, double uh-oh. And myself? I shouldn’t have avoided brushing my gums during younger days for fear I might brush my gums away >.<, more uh-oh. But what’s done cannot be undone. I shall take even better care of my teeth now! Especially Notee (a saint now since he is deprived of any worldly sensations >.<), which is the weakest now and might just crack if I bite on something too hard. Please hang in there forever, Notee!

awesome much! =)

hello blog! a delayed post i realised was saved as draft n not posted lol..time to remove the ge post from the first liao ahaha

have been wanting to update my blog, especially on my poor toofy, but I just get myself to do it. Updates on my tooth gonna be up soon, real soon cuz memory of that crazy incident is fading soon despite me whining quite a bit haha! Op stage 2 next week and I shall say hi to my new-yet-old tooth, plus one week worth of cracked lips!

Want to leave a note here that I AM ENJOYING MY ATTACHMENT amidst all the swiss roll!! awesome experience for the first week!! wheeeeee :)