can't think of a good title

dear blog, i am feeling very not-myself today. or rather, i think i hadn't been feeling myself since the semester started. too many things swarming in. i am no longer as alert as before. things that i was able to pay attention to last time, i can't now. i start to make a lot of spelling mistakes recently btw. i need. to find myself back.


something very sad happened today, you know, the last time i cried for my maths paper was in primary 5. when problem sum questions jumped from 5 questions in section c to i think 10. so many in the class got freaked out because we couldn't finish the questions in time. alright, i hadn't cry today but the same feeling is back. i am really feeling very sad that i got that results for a maths module, felt this way for ma1505 too but more intense this time. because i have awesome lecturer, awesome lecture kaki and awesome textbook but not even a near awesome performance. time to do something about it. especially because it is maths.


a lot of people around me are having problems. one friend called me today to share about hers. amidst all things, i hope i can still stay strong myself and be there for them. she was saying how can me and another friend be so strong last time when that major problem cropped up and that she definitely can't be as strong. i replied nobody know their inner strength when in fact i am not as strong as i seem too, i don't know where did that phrase come from but i hope it is true and i do have the strength and ability to find the old peiyee back.


read ahbu's blog yesterday. she had this really philosophical post. i thought to myself when will i write like her (meaning think deep deep like yk n people) but on the other hand, i find myself resisting to want to become like them. ironical, bu xiang zhang da i think =P


something that happened earlier this year around jan/feb, i miss it bacause i wasn't responsive enough. After i realised, it was too late. i know its irreversible but if given the chance, may history repeats itself again, i won't be that slow anymore.


to myself, please don't give up (on maths), rmb why you took it in the first place.


such emo updates, i realised i have been typing a lot recently. tomorrow will be a happy day! cuz its CHILDREN'S DAY! its the last day that children's day will be fixed on 1st october though, so treasure it :D i feel like giving gorgor, xl, B12L8, PAPX, hongyi, okie, everyone else lolipops tmr XD haha i even thought of giving one to the maths prof's son XD shall do it in my dream :D

flintstone me!

i have 2 consecutive flintstone thursday!

n the virus is spreading to mondays soon =x

flintstone is one of my fav cartoon when young thou

but i can't believe what has happened

first thursday.

sim card BURNT itself n i am without phone

when i am supposed to be in THREE places at the same time

rushed to the first,

lappy went out of batt, totally lose contact with outside world

on to the second,

but i can't flag a taxi AT ALL

heng a nice uncle allow me to use his phone

and heng i remember amanda's pizza hut alike number

give up on the second,

off to the third

got cheated by a person who told me the lift can't go to level 4

and i stupidly stop at level 3 n went up the flight of stairs with him

with all my heavy stuff!

second thursday.

all went well until i was asked to send email to a vvvip

gan jiong send the first

n realised idk how to send multiple recipients in nus webmail

figure out after eons, okie sent

next, another email for me to send

this time more vvvvvvvvvvvvvip

gan jiong again

copy paste sent

in the end formatting got problem D:

next, follow up email to reply to

i replied and cc relevant people

but sending failed and NOBODY receive it

and i didn't realise it DD:

but today is not thursday yet...

went to cblc to print proposals and brouchure for meetings

log on to my account

and it says my domain is unavailable

ask the i/c, he says i have to try other coms

n i tried like 5 before one finally accepted me 0.o

just what is happening to me

guess all i could say is...

yabba dabba dooooooo!!

ICCS!! 2010 :D

quoting amanda, too many things too little time

so i will keep it short

i went ICCS finally!

feel good to spring clean the places for the animals and plants there

ahaha they celebrated new year on 110910 =)

n i heart the above pict :D

=(

=(

n nice blog, it knows i am sad so the layout became spoilt too.
will give you a new look as soon as i have the time.
then everything will be brand new.
it will be =) again.

Campus in a Tropical Rainforest :D

I am unable to go to sleep thanks to something really silly that i did yesterday. Brain isn't performing at a capacity to allow me to do school work so i thought i might to a little blogging then =P this, is citr part 1..

I got on to this 'zei chuan' last semester. Initially thought i would just be a member inside doing some saikang (which i realised i can be really good at) but apparently i was wrong. Met up with the other two girls and tadah, we are the committee 0.o. Things were really tough initially cuz the three of us knew nothing about how things work, how to do proposals, what to tell the different parties involved and a lot more. felt a little detached at first because when i got in, things were sort of planned out already. but i love the projects proposed. rooftop garden, vertical greening, tree planting, and conservation. i am really a hands on person, i don't like to do the proposal writing, and stuff. but since i am interested in the projects, alright, stay on, i told myself. to convince myself, i recalled someone told me that if you are passionate about something, you shouldn't stay on the hands on/help out stage, you should go up and be at the planning stage, only like this, can you make a difference (though now, i am still quite reluctant to follow this lol). okie, so stayed on..had countless meetings, countless revision of the proposals, countless brainstorming.

but things don't always work to our desires. problems occurred. many problems. sometimes i really wonder how can something as simple as planting be so complicated. but this is also when i start to see the adult world.

learnt a lot from fu lu shou. first time i really see issues from working people's point of view. professionality. we have to be careful with phrasing. one matter requires consultation with many departments and you got bounced here and there. dept promise you something and never get back. pw's minutes is just child's play, the real one took me almost 8 drafts. refreshments for meetings. the top down bottom up approach. how academics, sch admin, corporate sponsors can have polar concerns and need to be reconcile and the list goes on. culture shock.

despite all this, i haven't regret my choice yet. cuz as hongyi mentioned, it gave me great exposure, and most importantly, i am already on the zei chuan and now i want to see the proposal turn into reality :) bonus is the great people i am working with. we are now known as Peijin Amanda Peiyee under supervision of fulushou. although always in a state of 'too many things, too little time' (quoting boss amanda), i believe we will get there. hopefully everything turns out fine. hopefully recruitment would bring awesome teammates :D

now i am shocked at the length that i have typed XD

kids =)

i met some kids today, real genuine kids :)

great experience back again

really felt different tutoring them compared to my paid tuition

whole bunch of naughty noisy but cute kids

not that my tutees are not cute

but they are perhaps a little bit scared of this TEACHER

compared to jiejie

and so behaved particularly well

realised a lot of things i have learnt in minds

apply to the tutoring session too

ahaha just that now there is a briefing

but there is none for minds

lol, so i learnt it the hands-on way last time

interestingly

no sweets

thats the rule

so xl, i can't bribe them =P

but i like the rationale behind it

they shld work for the sense of achievement and not the sweets

though i think when i was that age

sweets appeal to me much more

and i witnessed prejudice and discrimination

sincerely sincerely hope that its just a kids' affair

that kind of fight today, friends tmr stuff

lucky the kid is optimistic

read a girl's journal

reminded me of someone in minds

things that i want to try

but afraid i am not up to the job

and of course not forgetting

all the funny things that kids can think of

all the SUPER LOUD laughters

the back to basics feeling

...

make my day

and yes

11+7=18 :)

not making any sentences

cuz..good night Zzzzz

transition

i am like a maths teacher who got very very angry with a particular event

guess you guys heard me mention before

the maths teacher phenomenon

just that now, i am not dealing with kids but with stress

i believe i am facing this transition period and this moment is the peak haha

year 1 to year 2

non-citr to citr

my uncle

etc

and i am fighting this change as if i am WBC and they are some foreign bodies

hopefully, i will still be MYSELF after this

i don't want to change how i view this world as when i am younger

but maybe after all this

i will learn to think deeper than before

think deep deep like yk/dl

but is this what i want?

nonetheless

i will

MOVE ON

and i will learn to appreciate what i have and ok, whine less

i want to end this post (which may seems emo)

with a LIGHTER NOTE :D

my internet fixed itself miraculously

n things will turn out fine

if not, i will learn from it

whee :D

haha and today i forgotten to take my thumbdrive out of the cblc computer

(which reminded me of jaymie's post after that)

but amazingly

a box popped out upon log off

saying something like

'have you forgotten your thumbdrive?'

thumb up, cblc! :D